Alright, guys and gals! I’ve been at college for a few days now, and I’m definitely learning to adjust to a new sleep schedule. I’m trying to remember when I need to eat and when I need to do laundry. To say the least, this experience is a bit different. I’m trying to get into a routine of things, including this blog. I really feel like God has called me to share what He is doing in my life through this outlet, and I really appreciate you taking the time to read it. As usual, if you have any comments, reach me in whatever way possible to tell me! I love hearing from you guys!
Now, some of you may or may not have read the spoken word I wrote concerning this subject. If you have, this blog post is going to be along the same lines, so I hope you don’t get bored or anything. If you haven’t, then I will have the spoken word included at the end of this post.
Alright, so I want to start out by saying that I am going to be pretty vulnerable in this post. I’m going to be transparent about something I’ve been struggling with and how God brought me out of it. This is going to be centered around what God has shown me through a recent occurrence in my life. Now, I recently went to donate blood. At the blood drive, this woman tells me that they’re going to want my red blood cells. (To be honest, I had never given blood before, and I was terrified. Besides, I thought red blood cells was what they took anyway.) She then proceeds to point at a machine next to this woman that is turning and moving in the most sinister fashion I have ever seen. Needless to say, I was beyond terrified at this point. She then starts running a couple of tests on me to see if I can give blood, and long story short, she finds that I have an irregular heartbeat. Now, she did not tell me what this meant or that this is completely normal and tons of people have it. She did not tell me that it could be temporary. She basically just said “you should probably get that checked out” and let me go on my way. This was absolutely terrifying. I had no clue what this could mean for me or my health. For all I knew, I was dying (I’m not, by the way). So, I go to the doctor the following Monday morning, and they run a couple of tests on me and then tell me that I need to wear a 24-hour heart monitor. This was definitely an odd experience, and waiting for the results of all the tests was terrible. I still didn’t really know what was going on inside me. At this point, I had learned how to have faith knowing that I had something a little off with my heart. Then, I had to learn to have faith knowing that there was definitely and irregularity (permanent or temporary). Then the doctor calls and tells me that they want me to go see a cardiologist (heart doctor) because I have PACs and PVCs ( If you want to research it, you can, but that basically means that my heart beats an extra couple of times every now and then.) This can be caused by many things such as caffeine and stress, both of which I had had a lot of at the time. It was crazy to me to find out that there was something wrong with my heart to make them want to refer me to a cardiologist. ( Now, I want all of you to know that they did this to be on the safe side. There is nothing majorly wrong with me.) I was having a hard time. I had been growing so much in my faith, but now I was surrounded by doubt, fear, and uncertainty. I want all of you to know, though, that these doctors were only telling me what I already knew.
Now, what could I possibly mean by that? Trust me, I’ll explain. They told me that there was something wrong with my heart. I already knew that. There is obviously something wrong with my heart. There is something that causes me to sin against the God who loves me and created me. There is something wrong that causes me to lie and do all these other things against God who has saved me time and time again. I already knew there was something wrong. In fact, they didn’t know the half of how messed up my heart was. They had no idea how true that statement was! I am more messed up than anyone in my mind because I know everything that I’ve done! The thing about this is that God took all of these imperfections and made them perfect in His way! He used and still uses my messed up heart to glorify Him! For some reason, though, I thought that God had no control over my physical heart. For some reason, I acted like my physical imperfections were too much for God. This was absolutely foolish of me! If God can take my imperfect heart and make it perfect spiritually, then He can do the same physically! Remember that God can take anything and use it for His glory! Just give it over to Him, and He will perfect it!
They also told me that there were irregularities in my heart. Duh! I knew that! If you know me, then you know that there probably isn’t a regular bone in my body! I knew that my heart was different, but I only thought about it spiritually. Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” I had already taken this and totally altered the way I act and live my life. I am definitely different. I stand out. I’m loud, crazy, and kind of a freak if we’re honest (hopefully in a good way, though). I had made my heart irregular on purpose, but for some reason, this diagnosis came as a surprise when the doctors told me. Now, I know that this is a bit different and that I need to continue to see doctors about whatever is going on, but an irregularity in my heart was what I had been striving for! I wanted to be different, and I was! All the way to the core of my being (literally)!
Now, like I said, I was scared. I was unsure. I was doubtful. But, last night, Mississippi College had a campus-wide worship. And, as I was standing there worshipping, they began to play the song “King of My Heart.” It was in this moment that I realized all these things. It was in this moment that I realized that God could overcome my imperfections. It was in this moment that I remembered that He truly is the King of my heart! I remembered that He is a perfect King, and as a perfect King, He would use all of my imperfections (physical and spiritual) to glorify Him! He has taken all of my imperfections and made me perfect through the sacrifice of Christ Jesus! So, today, I am sharing this message with you: No matter the imperfections in your life, God is there. He is in control. He loves you. He can make you perfect. If you haven’t already, make Him the King of your heart. Make Him the source of your life, peace, joy, grace, and mercy. Lean on Him! Depend on His love! If you have made Him the King of your heart, then rest in Him! Don’t worry about your imperfections or what may happen tomorrow! Be confident in God just like Daniel was when he sang Psalm 23! God is in control no matter your circumstances! Your worry is nothing but a lack of faith! It doesn’t help or change anything when you worry, so just trust in Him and His power! I love you guys!
Just so everyone knows, I am ok. I will be fine. Odds are that I drank too much coffee too fast, and that is what caused this. Don’t worry about whatever is going on with my heart. I’ve learned to have confidence in God no matter what is going on in this situation! Do the same! My problem is incredibly minor, and I never should have been as scared or worried as I was, but I was. Don’t do what I did. It didn’t help. It didn’t change anything. I now have a peace beyond anything I could’ve had because I decided to trust in God. I hope you can do the same!
King of My Heart
They told me there’s a problem with my heart
Unaware of how much these words are true
The statement that they’ve made is just the start
Just a glimpse of how my soul has gone askew
My heart is messed up.
This I already knew
But I treated this knowledge
As if it were something new
I know my heart is messed up
It’s been preached for years and years
I guess I didn’t think
Before I started pouring tears
See, when I thought about my heart being messed up, I thought about my sinful nature
I thought about my rebellious tendencies against my heavenly Creator
I thought about my sin, my strife, my aching and my shame
I guess I never thought that my physical heart would be the same
So when they said that there’s a problem with my heart
I simply had no idea where to start
Instead of looking to Him to fix it like my spirit
I searched for ways to fix it on my own
As I filled with worry and my spirit groaned
Now, I realize that my physical problems are just like the spiritual ones
God took my sin, my guilt, my shame and made it perfect
He can take physical problems just the same and still think that I’m worth it
He uses imperfections to glorify His name
So come on and cast off your guilt and shame
Cast off your physical issues just the same
And use them all to add to Jesus’ fame
Now, on top of this, they say that my heart is irregular.
I knew this, too.
I knew this from my reaction to Romans 12:2
Where we are called stand out and be the select few.
Not the average joe
Conforming, changing what we know
To meet the status quo
We are called to be transformed.
We are called to be different.
I can’t help that my heart is irregular.
When I began following Jesus and loving Him, it made me stand out
All the way to the core of my being
My source of life is what makes me irregular.
So this physical irregularity kind of makes sense
The thing I failed to remember is that even though this scary thing set me apart
My God was still with me, the King of my heart.
This means that my heart is His kingdom.
Just as a reminder, God is a good and perfect King.
A good king can bring good out of a good kingdom
The perfect King makes something amazing out of His kingdom, regardless of any irregularities or issues.
No matter how messed up His kingdom is, He can make something great out of it that will glorify Him for all of time.
Therefore, no matter how messed up your heart or my heart may be (spiritually or physically) God can make something amazing out of it!
So remember above all that us Christians are irregular and set apart,
And keep in mind that God is the great King of your heart!